Dark cloud of diagnosis – Zoe Morris
Hello, my name is Zoe Morris. I am 31 years old and live in Essex. I’m a type 1 diabetic. Diagnosed after going into severe diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) on Sunday 12 April 2015. It was in that split moment I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down. I didn’t really know a lot about Type 1 Diabetes back then to be fair, only what the media had portrayed. Neither did I know what DKA was or exactly how life threatening it was either.
My symptoms at the time were excessive drinking. And yes, I mean excessive. I was downing at least 3 or 4 pint bottles of milk a day and before this moment, I would rarely drink milk on its own, only in tea. It sounds crazy I know but it was just out of control. I just couldn’t quench my thirst. I was also urinating constantly. It was a vicious circle. I was tired all the time and I was having lots of tummy pains too. I was losing my appetite and began replacing it with drinks instead. I had no idea at the time that these were all serious symptoms of diabetic ketoacidosis.
Not until I was admitted to hospital and rushed from Resus to the trauma ward. At the time my blood glucose levels were 33.mmol which is crazy! I was getting very lethargic and couldn’t focus properly on things. I could barely stand from the lack of energy I had. It was then and only then that it was finally confirmed that I was now a Type 1 diabetic.
I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to hear. It was as if a dark cloud had taken over me. The doctors, nurses and consultants were constantly talking to me about it all and trying to explain everything to me about what was going to happen and what I would be expected to do from now on but it was just so much to take in and it felt as if I was just sitting there in silence, with everyone talking but no sound coming out. Just silence… Staring at faces without any idea of what was being said. The realisation of what was about to be my life was pretty daunting and petrifying. I was scared and felt alone. I wanted to just run away and hide myself from the life I was being told I had. A life that has been turned upside down. I’m a mum to a gorgeous little girl who at the time was only 2 years old. The fact that I was being made to be away from her as well was horrible! It was making the process a lot harder to deal with.
The realisation that I would be in control of my own blood glucose levels was hard to understand. I would be expected to monitor it several times a day and give the appropriate amount of insulin as and when required to keep them in the required range. It was just so overwhelming. I had a massive fear of needles and the fact I would be meeting my enemy several times a day was my worst nightmare.
I decided to start blogging as a way of a release of my emotions. I suffer from anxiety and depression and felt that by expressing myself and what I have to deal with and go through would be a good way of coping with everything and that it might help others in some way.