Arthur Smith: Are you Mr A or Mr B?

This has been Mr A’s lockdown routine: he gets up at 7am every morning for a yoga session before preparing a modest breakfast with toast made from the sourdough bread he baked yesterday. He works at his computer all day, pausing only for a low sugar, low carb vegan lunch. In the evening, after helping out at the food bank, zooming all his many friends and family, he meditates, goes for a run round his enormous well-tended garden, checks his blood sugar level which is, as always, perfect. Finally, he turns in early to continue reading another novel by Proust.


Mr B gets up at midday, has a massive fry-up and a large bowl of ice cream before staring miserably at his phone for five hours and necking a bottle of cheap red wine. At 8pm he realises he cannot get a steak and kidney pudding on Deliveroo because he is running out of money so he heats up a tin of spaghetti hoops, served with the last chocolate biscuits he has left. After two hours watching true crime documentaries he goes to bed having, in his misery, forgotten to take his overnight insulin. At 3am he wakes up for an hour to watch the government ministers floundering around on the news and Donald Trump going mad across the pond.

Well I am neither of these two but I am probably closer in spirit to Mr B. And probably so are you – the Mr A’s of this world are very few and they doubtless have some dark secret we B’s don’t know about. Don’t pay him any attention but instead reach out to the people you love. It is good to share your feelings with others – try your best to find solidarity with them so that we can all get through these long uncertain days of summer.

As more outings have been permitted I have had some garden dinners with friends and my brothers, but I still feel anxious about the new world which awaits. My comedy shows, along with some of my diabetes check-ups, have been postponed or cancelled BUT I have chosen to go to Edinburgh where, if Scottish regulations allow, I will perform an outdoor show. Excited!

I propose you find something to look forward to and to all my readers and fellow diabetic dudes here I send a hearty wave. Remember – things are worse for some people and we will all come through in the end. Hope to see you on an Autumn day when there is a gentle breeze to comfort us all.

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